Week 83 - "No one is getting out of this game alive" - Chris Williamson
It hit me like a ton of bricks when a close friend recently asked how stressed I was. I had to think for a little, but as soon as I gave my answer, I realized how absurd it sounded. I told him I probably operated at around a 6-7 constant level of stress.
Isn't that ridiculous? I can understand a business owner or professional athlete living like that, but why would I, a 20-year-old college student, feel that way?
I know it's normal to have some stress about the future, I can see that in almost all my peers. But constantly operating at a high level of stress when I don't need to be is something I've been struggling to justify to myself.
And as much as I want to downplay how I feel because I know there are many more "real" things people are stressed about, it still affects me deeply and impacts my daily life.
I understand that having high expectations for myself is going to come with some pressure and anxiety. But if that comes with the price of constant worry and mental exhaustion, I don't know if any of the stress is worth it.
And even if it is—even if I play out the best-case scenario where all this stress makes me wildly successful and somehow cements my place in history—why would it even matter?
In 3 generations, we'll all be forgotten, and all the stress we endured will have been for a future that was literally impossible for us to see or enjoy.
Personally, realizing that was the wake-up call I needed.
I can stress as much as I want, thinking that’s what will push me to strive for more, but at the end of the day, I know where it all ends.
The same place as everyone else.
But maybe that’s not what stress is for.
I’m fortunate to say this, but stress has often been the factor driving me to do more for an arbitrary definition of success.
It’s only in a few instances do I feel like I’ve stressed myself out for something I’m doing for myself and not for others. And only in those moments does the stress feel “right”, like it’s normal to feel the way I did.
And even if the rest of my life will be filled with forms of obligations for others, why should they weigh so heavily on my mind?
By doing so, I’m essentially living my life for someone else. And in a game where you only get one life, I don’t know if there’s a reason to use it on anyone other than yourself.
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