Week 6 - “Tranquility… comes when you stop caring what they say. Or think, or do. Only what you do.” - Marcus Aurelius
Thoughts of the Week
Something I’ve recently found fascinating is the amount of weight I give to the advice and words of individuals I respect and look up to. Although I do believe it’s important to be indifferent about what other people think and say, I’ve realized that I tend to place a much higher value on the content of more informational/educational individuals.
Before I go further, I want to clarify that I’m eternally grateful for the likes of individuals who go out of their way to educate others through all types of mediums. These individuals have an invaluable net positive contribution to society and there’s no way society could pay them back.
However, I’ve found that as a result of consuming so much informational content, I’ve almost started to operate as though the advice I’ve been given is a harsh rule instead of what it really is, advice. Let me give you an example.
Recently, I heard a quote from James Clear about habits and the importance of consistency. In his New York Times Bestseller, Atomic Habits, Clear says “The first mistake is never the one that ruins you. It is the spiral of repeated mistakes that follows. Missing once is an accident. Missing twice is the start of a new habit”. This is a strong claim, but due to Clear’s role as such an influential and respected individual, I took it as gospel. However, I soon realized how applying it to my life may not have had the outcome I expected.
For instance, during the first two days of my spring break, I stayed up later than I usually do to try and relax. While staying up late is something pretty normal for a college student to do, according to Clear, this meant I’d started a new habit. Of course, I don’t think Clear would really argue that sleeping in for a couple of days is going to be the end of my normal morning routine. However, because I placed so much value on Clear's words, I found myself unnecessarily concerned with making sure I didn’t fall out of my regular routine.
It was only when I stepped back and realized how much weight I was placing on the words of others did I realize how this could be a problem. If I live my life governed by “good advice”, I’m not only going to be plagued by these kinds of thoughts but also won’t ever be able to trust my own instincts and judgment. I needed to find a balance between implementing what I learned and my personal experiences.
I’m not sure if anyone else has had a similar experience, but regardless, I think this is still a good reminder to both appreciate all the advice and information we consume, but also to remember that we are our own individuals. This means that we are the ones who determine how we will implement and interpret what we learn, and ultimately are the only ones who can change ourselves.
Something to think about
“At your funeral, friends and family will argue over who gets what.
People will want food to eat.
The topic will shift from your life to their lives.
They’ll drive away thinking about their looming to-do list.
Some people won’t be able to make it because “something came up.
And we worry about …a low performing post on social media.
Or what someone “thinks of us” Or a bad customer review Or whether we’re going to finish our to do list in time.
We die like we go to sleep.
With things unsaid and unfinished.
The only judge who has complete context on our lives, dies with us.
A reminder of the heavy weight we place on things that matter little.”
- Alex Hormozi
What I learned This Week
The Spotlight Effect
The spotlight effect is the psychological phenomenon that occurs when individuals overestimate the amount of attention others pay to them. For instance, think of the last time you tripped or dropped something in public. Even though only a few people might have noticed, it’s likely that you assumed everyone was staring at you. This is the spotlight effect in action. Your mind creates the illusion that there is always some kind of spotlight on you, when in reality, this is simply a cognitive bias.
Gurwinder’s Theory of Bespoke Bullshit
As a result of a society driven by social media and conflicting opinions, Gurwinder proposes that many individuals lack a solid opinion on various matters. When prompted for their view, they’ll hastily form a half-baked view based on a combination of whims and incomplete recollections , which they will then embrace as a strong belief.
Interesting content I consumed this week
When Lead is Worth More Than Silver and Gold: Shakespeare’s Investment Philosophy
TLDR: This article looks at the casket scene in Shakespeare’s The Merchant of Venice through the lens of a financial advisor to draw some pretty relevant and interesting conclusions about how we value things.
Adam Lane Smith - 15 Harsh Psychology Truths
TLDR: This podcast episode gives fascinating insight into some of the many things psychotherapist Adam Lane Smith has noticed in his time spent as an attachment specialist. Expect to hear some things about yourself that you may or may not like.
If you enjoy receiving and reading this series, please consider sharing it with anyone you think may be interested. I love sharing the way I think with others and would love to hear others’ opinions on my ideas. Thanks!
That’s all for this week! If you have any thoughts or suggestions on ways to improve this newsletter or parts you think could be in or excluded, please let me know! Feel free to comment below or message me on Instagram or email @tarun.vedula. Have a great week!
-Tarun
I completely agree with you, Tarun. The act of taking time to teach or mentor others is invaluable. Your pointers on this topic are excellent.