Week 32 - "You cannot control the results, only your actions." - Allan Lokos
One of the most upsetting realizations I’ve had in my adolescence is recognizing my lack of control of many of life’s most pivotal moments. It's disheartening to think that I could hypothetically do everything right, but still fall short of my goals. It’s made me question my agency, and how much control I really have over my life.
Historically, I've lived life with a tenacity rooted in belief. If I desired something, whether it be a position or a prized possession, determination and hard work would pave the path to it. And maybe that’s why this realization has been so demoralizing. Accepting that in the pursuit of anything, especially things that involve others, there are things not in my control that can stop me is a depressing thought.
So what does that mean? Should I surrender my dreams and pursuits because of how much is out of my control?
Oddly enough, in the almost infinite amount of things I can’t control in life, I’ve learned that of one of the few things I can, my effort, is the most valuable. When I invest my time and energy into goals, I’m in complete control of the effort I put in. What the effort yields may be out of my control, but how hard I try is unequivocally something I can take responsibility for.
But even then, accepting responsibility for my effort doesn’t change the outcome. It is and will always be something out of my hands.
Yet, I’ve been able to find salvation in this paradox. I’ve found that if I can completely detach myself from the expectations and goals I think I deserve, I’m able to cope with reality. In other words, it’s about moving my efforts from the weight of expectations and potential accolades towards effort for the sake of effort, a sentiment I delve deeper into in Week 2 and Week 13.
Navigating this mindset is an ongoing journey for me. While I'm still in the process of internalizing these lessons, I know that mastering this balance is needed for a fulfilling future. Being able to have a constant level of effort, regardless of outcome, holds the promise of a fulfilling life.
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