Week 30 - "The Man who says he can, and the man who says he can not. Are both correct." - Confucius

In the journey of personal growth, one of the most overlooked elements is the extent to which we commit ourselves to our endeavors. It's a feeling that resonates deeply, as many of us can relate to what it’s like to approach a challenge with a half-baked effort. Most will leave it at giving their "best", but will still know there was more they could have done.

Everyone and their mother has heard the timeless words of Confucius, "The Man who says he can, and the man who says he can not. Are both correct." Commitment lies not just in intention but in confidence in our capabilities that we can achieve what we set out to do. It's a shift from attempting something to knowing we can do something.

So why don’t we fully commit? 

The fear of failure.

The fear of failure provides that split-second hesitation right before we completely dedicate ourselves to something.

“What if I fail?”

This apprehension materializes in that critical moment just before we take the plunge with full dedication. It's the uninvited guest in the realm of determination, a fleeting hesitation that threatens to undermine our commitment. And even if we think we’ve gotten to a point where we can accept inevitable losses and setbacks, this fear of failure can still linger. 

Why can we be ok with failing, but still be scared of fully committing to something?

The paradox lies in the realization that for many, failure goes beyond the mere experience of a setback. Specifically, if you fully commit yourself and tell yourself you will do x, but fail, the self-questioning cascades beyond that of the task at hand, and extends to your entire identity. When we wholeheartedly embrace the belief that we will succeed, a subsequent failure can shake the foundation of that belief. "If I can't even achieve what I told myself I could, how can I expect to conquer anything else?" becomes the echoing doubt.

Conquering this paradox required me to go back to before I even understood any of what I’ve said so far. I started looking into all of this as a result of wanting to give myself a better chance when it came to doing difficult things. I was looking into anything and everything that could put me in the most advantageous position I could have been in. As a result, I stumbled upon mindset. Specifically, the idea that if you could completely set your mind on something, you would have a greater chance of completing it. 

And that’s where I believe the answer to this paradox is. If you fail, but can remember why you were so confident in the first place, your fear will disappear. The confidence you may have had was there for the purpose of giving you a better chance to succeed. If you can look at your confidence as another step in the process of preparing yourself to do something difficult, you’re much less likely to question yourself following a failure. There may be other steps that can be examined, but it doesn’t make sense to think that your confidence is what prevented you from succeeding. 

In the pursuit of our goals, giving ourselves the best chance demands more than just a tentative effort. It requires us to confront the fear of failure head-on and to recognize that commitment isn't a guarantee of perfection but a pledge to keep moving forward regardless of the outcome. 

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