Week 24 - “You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do” - David Foster Wallace
It's quite amusing when we take a step back and realize how much we worry about others' opinions of us because it relies on a pretty large assumption. That is that they actually think about us. It's an interesting contrast: we selflessly concern ourselves with what someone thinks, while our own thoughts are inherently self-centered. By assuming that we occupy someone else's mind, we inadvertently imply that we hold significance in their lives. However, for anyone beyond our immediate circle of friends and family, that's simply not the case.
It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but it’s the truth. And if you zoom out even further, we become extras in everyone’s lives but our own. We play supporting roles in the lives of everyone we are connected to, and only in our own experience do we assume the central role. Personally, that’s much harder to accept.
It’s pretty disheartening to think that out of seven billion lives, there’s only one where you’re the main focus. It feels very isolating, but then again, I don’t know why I would expect it to be any way else. If I’m living my life for myself, there’s no reason to think anyone else shouldn’t do the same.
Yet, there is comfort in this shared experience. Everyone knows what it’s like to be the focus of their own life. That means we all know what it’s like to experience life’s quintessential moments: falling in love, experiencing heartbreak, dealing with loss, or just the general challenges of life. There are so many wordless experiences that we share that it’s hard to really feel alone.
In essence, we preoccupy the minds of others so little that being consumed with concerns about their thoughts towards us is akin to indulging in daydreams—a pleasant fantasy but far from reality.
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While I generally agree with you, your peer's perception of you can significantly impact your professional growth and livelihood (not just for celebrities :-)). Actively managing it, if you have the interest and aptitude for it can pay huge dividends.