Week 18 - "You're under no obligation to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago" - Alan Watts

Bit of a long one today, but I think it's worth a read ;)

Change seems to be an inherent trait of humanity. Over the course of the past six million years, our species has faced thousands of life-threatening challenges, yet has consistently demonstrated the ability to adapt and evolve to overcome them. In my opinion, this capacity for change is one of the most beautiful things about being human. However, I’ve recently been thinking about how this remarkable ability stops a hair short of solving the root problem: the ego. 

Specifically, I have been reflecting on how we treat the ego. Whether the ego is good or bad is up for debate, but for the sake of my argument, I’ll treat the ego as something that simply is, irrespective of your views. Additionally, it’s worth noting that the definition of ego varies, but the widely accepted answer, and the one I’ll be continuing with is that the ego is how one perceives oneself, i.e., one’s self-esteem/confidence. 

Most argue that the ego forms between an individual’s second and fourth years of life. After formation, one’s ego will develop and increase or decrease depending on the way they are raised. But what seems to stay relatively constant in this development is how we treat the ego. When we examine our ego, we often hold it so close to our identities that it feels impossible to “be” anything but who we are at the current moment. We treat our ego like something that can only grow bigger or smaller instead of something that can be changed entirely. And that’s exactly the problem. 

At the root of our habits, flaws, strengths, and weaknesses is our ego. Yet when we speak about change, we never look at the ego. We only look at what about ourselves we can change, instead of looking at how we can change ourselves. I know it sounds confusing, but maybe an example may help. 

We all have a bad habit we’ve tried to quit. Whether it’s biting your fingernails, or procrastinating, everyone has one, which also means everyone has probably tried to break the habit. But more often than not, a lack of discipline will thwart our attempts and force us to give up. 

My hypothesis is that many of our failures when it comes to things like bad habits is that we too often get in our own way. In the simplest form, the only thing stopping you from breaking a bad habit is the person you are in this current moment. In this very moment, you’re someone that does not have the discipline to break a bad habit trying to become someone that does have the discipline to break a bad habit. In other words, who you are now is stopping you from who you want to be. 

Simple right? 

Yet, we too often take the approach of looking at the bad habit as what’s in the way instead of our current self. Instead of framing it as trying to eliminate your tendency to bite your fingernails when you’re nervous, try to think about becoming the person who has enough confidence to not become nervous in the first place. Don’t target the habit, target the self. 

Personally, I’ve found this technique extremely useful when trying to push myself through difficult tasks. I know that to get to where I want to be, I can’t remain the person I am now. But it’s not an overnight process. Like most good things in life, changing the ego takes time and deliberate effort. But if I can become just .1% more of a different person every week, I know I’ll eventually end up where I want to be. 

The ego is not a scalar trait. It can grow and change in all directions and must be treated as such. In fact, the ego is not just susceptible to change but should be changed as we grow. And if you are willing to embrace this change, there’s nothing stopping you from being who you’ve always wanted to be. 

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